I keep disappointing myself! It has been ages since I last wrote a diary entry, let alone one here.(or even just a decent website update)(I doubt anyone reads these but that is not the point) I lost the habit I suppose. Life has been hectic ever since I moved , in both good and bad ways. I started uni and i now live in the other side of the country, I matured overall and kept going despite everything that has happened. I am grateful for the opportunities I was given,(but scared shitless of fucking up. I am way too aware of every step I take and yet...) the quality time spent with friends. But still, fundamentally, something is wrong. Maybe I keep going just for the sake of it, against what's really meant for me.

Feeling like a neurotic character of those modernist novels I'm studying. Tomorrow is my very last day of high school. I'm graduating in less than a month... Honestly? It has been hard. Especially these past weeks. Couldn't do much outside of school work...not even winning an art contest made me feel good in the slightest. I don't wanna indulge in my usual self deprecating behaviour but I can't say I don't have regrets of all kinds. I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing. I've always felt like none of this is actually meant for me, but I have no choice but keep going forward. If my life doesn't change once I move away from this desolate place...

Once again...so much time has passed! so many things happened. My trip to London is now just a distant fond memory...loved visiting so many places and museums after so long. Got my first vinyl there! (in the court of the crimson king. no, I do not own a player yet). I turned 18 on April 4th and I still haven't processed that. I still feel like a little kid. And I'm childish just like one. I'm trying to be better, though. I need to fix my bass and overall schedule...and be more productive. Every single moment has to be worth living right. It has to mean something. Watching Trigun 98 and making silly little tin shrines and eating silly little snacks. Eradicate your martyr complex and love this world for all your life!

Pheew! another month passed again since my last entry! I've wrote a few on my physical diary... Tomorrow I'm leaving for a school trip in London, I'll be attending lessons in a college whilst also being able to roam around the city in the afternoons. I hope no one peeks around my room (dungeon, secret laboratory) while I'm gone for whole week... This month has been wild. Well, for someone with such a mundane life like me for sure... My cold stoic heart has been under attack for a good while, I felt the urge to start reading tarots, just submitted my entry for an art contest at school... and I plan on working more and more. I also want to do something nice for a certain someone.

A whole month has passed! 2023 has treated me decently so far. I started reading, baking and writing down my mundane, trivial everyday experiences and thoughts on a diary... This place might be half abandoned but it is still public...I do not exactly know what to write there...! I'm currently working on some new collection/favourite albums sections on there, trying to write down some clean code! After all, god willing...if I study hard enough...I'm going to be a computer science student at uni :) I have to survive this last year of high school and pass the entry exam first!

It's past midnight already. I'm glad to be finally back on here, though I got a bit rusty due to months of inactivity. I'm determined to learn and produce more art... despite feeling like I wasted another year down the drain, I have to admit there are some good things that happened, mostly little insignificant things I'm not going to list here, but most importantly: I met new people, did what I could in terms of academics and hobbies, learned something along the way. Lots of things changed and some others are currently taking shape. I really wish I could be genuinely optimistic about my future, but all I can think of is how much time I wasted, what I could have been if only I had done more.